


'Twas the Nightwing Before Christmas

by scheherezhad



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Crack, Gen, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-07
Updated: 2006-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-12 22:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scheherezhad/pseuds/scheherezhad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before Christmas, Gotham-style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Twas the Nightwing Before Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Just some Christmas crack, because the authors* can't resist corrupting holiday classics. A bit longer than the original poem, but Clement Clarke Moore didn't have to include a fight scene.
> 
> *Co-written with sweetnlow.

'Twas the Nightwing before Christmas, and all through Wayne Manor,  
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept some Bats and a butler.  
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
In hopes that folks wouldn't realize the Cave was downstairs.

The Robins were all suited up and well-fed  
(Dear Jason, you see, had come back from the dead).  
Batman in his cowl—the same went for Cass—  
Had gone out to patrol and kick Christmas Eve ass  
When over at Arkham there arose such a clatter,  
Dick flew from Blüdhaven to see what was the matter.

Away to old Gotham, he flew like the Flash,  
Breaking speed limits, almost causing a crash.  
The moon was choked out by the smog and the steam,  
And Dick called for backup from the rest of the team.

Then what, to his wondering eyes, should appear  
But the Joker and Harley, both looking quite queer.  
The villainous duo was lively and quick,  
And they turned their big breakout into quite a schtick.

The rest of the inmates poured out in the night,  
While Dick relayed info and readied to fight.  
"Go Penguin and Harvey—Killer Croc, great smile.  
IVY! could you keep your vines off Harl for a while?"

Joker shouted his orders to the newly paroled,  
While keeping tabs on the Bat kid away from the fold.  
"Dammit, B, get your Bat-ass in gear,  
Those psychos are almost on top of me, here!"

Our birdboy was certain he would meet his end,  
Beaten and tortured while the Gallery grinned.  
But suddenly overhead the sleek Batjet flew,  
And in came Batman, Robins, and the Birds of Prey, too.

"Batsy," Joker shrilled, "about time you got here.  
Junior there was about to burst into tears.  
And we both know that Christmas just won't be the same  
If I don't try to put a bullet in your brain."

Then Batman stepped out, with a swirl of black cape,  
And smirked like he'd known to expect the escape.  
"Now, Joker," he said in that deep, gravelly voice,  
"I'm going to give you a Christmas Eve choice.  
You can go back to Arkham without any fuss,  
Or stay here and take your chances with us."

"But Batman, that would cause a blood bath--  
On second thought, that really sounds like a laugh.  
No choice, there, my pointy-eared chum.  
I've got enough bullets for you all to have some."

He leveled a large gun right at Batman’s head,  
"Nothing says Christmas like shooting you dead."  
“Sic ‘em!” the Joker sang high and loud,  
With the cons all punching and giving no ground.

Robin stopped Two-Face with a rag and some ether,  
While Huntress punched Ivy to give ‘Wing a breather.  
“Thanks,” he wheezed while unwrapping a vine.  
Huntress smacked his ass and said, “Anytime.”

Canary's scream put Croc through a wall,  
And Oracle sat and did nothing at all.  
While ev'ryone else was deep in the fray,  
Joker decided he might slip away.

But Red Hood was there, with crowbar and knife;  
He wanted the Joker to beg for his life.  
The blade glinted dully in the winter moon's light,  
But Batman stepped in, preempting their fight.

"Back off," Red Hood snarled in anger at Bruce.  
"I won't let this madman get out on the loose."  
"I'll go back inside," Joker helpfully said.  
Jay simply glared and crowbarred his head.

Around them the fighting was now dying down,  
Until all that stood were two Bats with a clown.  
So back into Arkham the villains returned;  
The tired heroes to their own hideouts adjourned.  
Alfred was waiting with tea on a tray.  
"Welcome back, sirs. Merry Christmas day."


End file.
